That Expression

The last time I saw him was last week. I didn’t greet him, pretend that I didn’t see him. I said to my friend that I had to go home, because the next day I had an exam. But it’s just an excuse. I felt like if I saw him, the pain will be increase. But, that’s not what I’m going to talk about today. This is all about “that expression”.

Two weeks ago, we went home at the same time.

“goodbye”, I said.

But he answered, “bye” with “that expression”.

I don’t know what I must say about that expression. It’s like sad or disappointed. If it’s sad, why? Is there something bothered him? I wanted to ask him, but I can’t because I’m a looser. Before that happen, we have a happy time. We laughed together, we chat with the others. Then, why? Until now, I can’t figure it out. What was that expression? But, for you know, when I saw it, I startled and I can’t forget about it. I wonder what was happened to him on that day.

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Class Chief

July, 27th, I dreamed about my first love in junior high school last night.
He was my class chief.
I don’t know why I dreamed about him.
It feels weird after I woke up.
But, one thing I can deny, I want to see him right now.
I wonder, where is he now?
How does he look? Is he tall?
Is he fat?
Or is he more and more handsome from the last time I see him?
Ummm… when was the last time I see him? I think it was 6 years ago.

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The Beggar and The Helper

July 23th, when I‘m on my way to supermarket, I saw a beggar. They are mother and daughter. When I’m out from the supermarket, the daughter sat in front of the supermarket and began her activity, panhandling. Give her or not. I decided not to give her money. I saw the mother waiting for her not far from where she at. I wonder why did her mother do that to her? Why didn’t her mother do that thing? And why she take her daughter to go out to panhandling such an hour? It’s chilly out here and it was 8 pm. That was the reason why I decided not to give her money.

Then, this sentence appeared, “why I’m judging? I don’t know anything. I can complain about it, but I can’t help them to fix they’re live. I can’t make them not to do that thing anymore. I don’t have any power to feed them, to safe them, or anything else that can make them not to panhandling anymore.” Then I stop think about it and going on my way home.

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Take and Throw

July 18th, my friend finally made it. For three years, he waited for that thing. In the first year, he failed. Does the second year. He passed the exam and now he is one of the *** University undergraduate. It happens to my other friend.

Two years ago, I thought if I also do the same thing, that was wasting a time. So, I just accepted what just I have in that time. I thought, “who can guarantee that I can pass the exam? Who can guarantee that I will be something that I want? This is all GOD’s will. So, I just have to through it.” That stupid assumption can make you throw your dream. Who knows what the GOD’s will? Why don’t you try it again? Try, try and try… until you get it. If you don’t get it, at least you don’t regret it like me.

If you have a dream, you have to focus on it. You have to work hard. You have to ignore what the others say. But in a first place, you have to believe yourself.

You know, until now I don’t exactly know what I want. I regret it, but not regret it at all. So I don’t know if I also take the exam and then I passed it, can I being happy? Or it just feel like now?

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